THE TOP-TEN NAMES
That Cardinal Jorge Bergoglio Heartily Considered (then reluctantly rejected) for His Pontificate:
10. In another olive-branch attempt (sigh) to reach out to the Jews, seriously considered: Pope MURRAY.
9. Being a devotee of Charles Dickens’ corpus, was sentimentally drawn to: Pope WACKFORD SQUEERS.
8. Though we’ve all had some good natured “fun” with the riffs on Donald O’Connor’s ‘Francis the Talking Mule’ movies…little Jorge when growing up was a much bigger fan of two other series—which had him leaning instead towards: Pope CURLY, or Pope BUCKWHEAT.
7. When he first “toyed” with the name Basil, the Cardinals thought it was to honor the great Cappadocian. Bergoglio had to then explain his love for John Cleese. Was close to choosing:
Pope THROAT-WARBLER MANGROVE.
6. He knew that there had been enough Pope “Innocents,” so, in light of recent Romanist history considered:
Pope MEA MAXIMA CULPA
5. Four Words: Pope JUDAS…..not Iscariot
4. His love for American “ethnic-exploitation” movies of the early 70’s, coupled with the schadenfreude he gets every time he thinks about the JDDJ/1999, caused him to weigh the viability of:
Pope SHAFT (“he’s one bad mo….”)
3. We all know from the MSM that Bergoglio’s ancestry is Italian. What we haven’t been told is that it’s ALSO Finnish on his mother’s side: Pope URHO
2. Though fitting with “genuine” Tridentine theology, in reality it was just because he’s such a fan of the 70’s NBA: Pope MOSES
[ Drum Roll Please ]
And now the Number ONE Name that Cardinal Bergoglio considered, and then reluctantly rejected - - -
1. Considering he is from “Latin America,” and what he has done and will continue to do to Christ’s Church: Pope CHE
(let the reader understand)