TOP TEN FACTS YOU MAY NOT KNOW ABOUT THE NEW POPE: FRANCIS I
10. He has finally amassed enough free Bus token redeemable widgets to get that Men in Black deluxe Neuralyzer toy!
9. Was such a clownish “cut up” seminarian in his more liberal days that he wrote a folk Mass in the pre-Vulgate Latin.
8. Not saying that he’s “Al Snow” * or anything, but he does have a life-sized Evita Peron polystyrene “head” that he keeps in a hat box on his credenza.
[* tasteless and obscure WWE reference]
7. In his younger days was the leader of the feared Argentine hooligan Soccer Gang: Los Flick Headers.
6. Was always talking about his mitre being “larger” than that “Juan-burro” Bishop of Rio.
5. Rather than Il Papa, would like to be referred to as Il Pampas
4. Has been known to silence disruptive feminist nuns with one quick and devastating bolo throw.
3. Makes us all feel kind of “creepy” when he’s always so eager to answer the crux televisiogorum: “Ginger or Mary Ann” with a sly smile and a whispered “ArgenTINA….Louise” J
2. Is constantly hurling calumnies at President Matthew Harrison calling him “The” anti-Satan.
[Drum Roll Please]
And now the Number One Fact you may not have known about the New Pope: Francis I
1. Did NOT pick his Papal name from either St. Francis of Assisi or Francis Xavier; was just a sucker for the old Donald O’Connor movies featuring “Francis the Talking Mule.”