A New Fr. Watson TOP TEN (oh joy)

THE TOP TEN MONDO COOL NAMES TO

NOT NAME YOUR NEW LUTHERAN PARISH:

Of course honorable mentions should be “tossed out” (“props” given) to:  Saint Shadrach, Meshach, & Abednego Lutheran Church; Saint Zacchaeus Lutheran Church (for short people); Saint Boniface Lutheran Church (for the winsomely mission-minded) and Saint Ananias & Sapphira Lutheran Church (for those who worry about stewardship). 

And now…”The” list - -

10.  SAINT RAPHAEL Lutheran Church (so you’ve got at least one to blame on that McCain guy and CPH)

9.   SAINTS APOLLINARIS OF HIRAPOLIS  & EPIPHANIUS OF SALAMIS Lutheran Church (just so by the time the church’s phone message finally gets through announcing the parish name the telemarketer has hung up)

 

8.  SAINT ELMO LUTHERAN CHURCH (you and Wikipedia might think I’m talking about Erasmus of Formiae, but I’m just obsessed with that ’85 Rat-Packer movie…lovin’ me that John Parr theme song and the MTV video!)

 

7.  SAINTS HOGLAH, GOMER & DORCAS Lutheran Church (who says we’re not sensitive to our feminist parishioners…Wymyn, we hear you roar; stand strong…and keep those beards!)

 

6.  SAINT POLYCARP Lutheran Church (for Patristic lovers, proponents of ‘meatless Fridays,’ and acknowledgments to our parishioners who eschew the Sunday Mass for fishing up at the lake)

5.  SAINT JUDAS…NOT ISCARIOT Lutheran Church [c.f. John 14.22a]  (c’mon, this guy deserves all the rehabilitation he can get for all the slights he must’ve taken when meeting new potential Christians: “Hey, aren’t you the guy….?”)

4.  (Combining our love for Dr. Luther, Latin, and the Mount of Olives, we can name our suburban “boomer” parish)

   SAINT MARTINI & OLIVES Lutheran Church

 

3.  SAINT EUTYCHUS Lutheran Church (for those who think our homilies run a tad too long)

 

2.  SAINT CARL VEHSE Lutheran Church (well, you do want a “real” American Lutheran Church don’t you?  Truth in advertising baby--)

 

D R U M    R O L L   (please)

 

And now for the # 1 Cool Name You Do NOT Want to Name Your New Lutheran Parish:

 

1.  SAINT MARY THE EVER VIRGIN Lutheran Church (while it may be true, start looking for a new call brother)