TOP TEN REASONS
YOU SHOULD NEVER GO TO PRIVATE CONFESSION
10. If God had wanted you
to go to individual confession He wouldn’t have
written TLH the way He did!
9. What would your hero Carl Vehse have done?
8. If Grandma Schmidt sees your car in the
church parking lot during those appointed hours
everyone will know you’re a sinner.
7. The 1943 SYNODICAL [genuflect] Catechism says
there are only TWO Sacraments…so that
settles it.
6. Well! What happens if someone goes to Private
C&A and isn’t really repentant
and
threatens to poison the town’s water
supply, or is committing child abuse, or won’t
pay the money back, or…………………………….[insert
bogus casuistry here]
5. The only thing you remember from Confirmation
Class (your new ‘smarty’ pastor calls
it
Catechesis) is: ADIAPHORA
4. Okay…you knew this one was coming, but thought
it would be like #1, ahem:
It’s C-A-T-H-O-L-I-C
(make sure you spit like cat when saying this
one out loud)
3. You don’t really believe that John 20:23 applies
to your pastor…who you don’t really
like anyway!
2. You don’t sin all that much and besides you’ve
got plenty of them snazzy GIDEON Bibles
around the house…somewhere
DRUM ROLL PLEASE
And the NUMBER ONE REASON YOU SHOULD NEVER GO TO
PRIVATE CONFESSION:
1. You’re not really Lutheran.
I've been exposed to the 1943 Catechism, once upon a time ... and speaking for my greater-than-greatest-(bronzed)-generation ... which is responsible for defending Biblical inerrancy (okay, so we were simply somewhat alive back then, getting high and occupying the Dean's office, and yes, this is mostly a self-serving rhetorical device) AND establishing a fatuous "blending" of Reformed and Lutheran worship (can you feel the beat?) ... well, I know the two Sacraments, buster!
ReplyDeleteOne is "java and doughnuts at Bible class" (otherwise no one will come, and this is scheduled before one is disturbed from a nappy to get out of a comfy pew and stand at some sort of table every other Sunday or so); and the other "isn't".
Like, dude, I know it ISN'T fasting!!!!
This was a trick pop quiz, right? Ha! You can't pull one over us confirmed Lutherans.
Your (unworthy) servant,
Herr Doktor
Herr Doktor!!!!! LOL
ReplyDeleteThis is exactly why I posted this Top Ten list (my first in well over a year I'm thinking); I was baiting you, hoping to draw you out and into making a "comment" that I just knew would be funnier (not that, that would be hard) than my list. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. Pax Mi Amigo - - - frJ
Fr. Jay, buddy and GREAT Evangelical Catholic (i.e., Lutheran as it was, is now and and EVER SHALL BE):
ReplyDelete"Discovered!" (as spoke the splendid Robert Shaw to the splendid Paul Scofield; in the guise of Henry VIII and the rascally immolator of Evangelical Catholics, Chancellor T. More, respectively, in "The Man for All Seasons." Not that the latter fact was broadcast by Master Bolt on Broadway. or the silver screen.).
I don't get the Reformed beat, but I sure do take the bait. Cheerio and God's blessings to you, wise Sir Knight.
Your (unworthy) servant,
Herr Doktor ... with new posting at KarlstadtQuest! Yeah!
I'm headed over to KarlstadtQuest to check things out my good Doktor (I like your denomination of those playful scallywags better than the one I had hiterto been using-- to wit: (but without wit) SatanQuest...and hence will now use your terminology. Pax Vobiscum, Jay (your brother from a different mother, but also the Same Mother)
ReplyDelete