TOP TEN REASONS YOU SHOULD NEVER GO TO PRIVATE CONFESSION
10. If God had wanted you to go to individual confession He wouldn’t have
written TLH the way He did!
9. What would your hero Carl Vehse have done?
8. If Grandma Schmidt sees your car in the church parking lot during those appointed hours
everyone will know you’re a sinner.
7. The 1943 SYNODICAL [genuflect] Catechism says there are only TWO Sacraments…so that
6. Well! What happens if someone goes to Private C&A and isn’t really repentant and
threatens to poison the town’s water supply, or is committing child abuse, or won’t
pay the money back, or…………………………….[insert bogus casuistry here]
5. The only thing you remember from Confirmation Class (your new ‘smarty’ pastor calls it
Catechesis) is: ADIAPHORA
4. Okay…you knew this one was coming, but thought it would be like #1, ahem:
(make sure you spit like cat when saying this one out loud)
3. You don’t really believe that John 20:23 applies to your pastor…who you don’t really
2. You don’t sin all that much and besides you’ve got plenty of them snazzy GIDEON Bibles
around the house…somewhere
DRUM ROLL PLEASE
And the NUMBER ONE REASON YOU SHOULD NEVER GO TO PRIVATE CONFESSION:
1. You’re not really Lutheran.