Μεγαλύνει ἡ ψυχή μου τὸν Κύριον [Luke 1. 46b]

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

When Your Armani Suit is Too Tight

TOP TEN REASONS TO WEAR HISTORIC VESTMENTS

 
10. IT’S TIME TO BUY!!! Time to buy a half dozen of them Almy tab-shirts!  Since out-sourcing their factories to Botswana Almy can now sell their shirts for only $99 bucks a piece. Wotta Steal!


9. The Amice and rolled Alb collar completely cover your Guns N’ Roses tattoo.

 
8.  Sure, you’ve got that pristine collection of polyester leisure suits in the closet, but some of them pants make your ass look huge.

 
7.  When the DiP shows up for Mass, a real quick turn at the rail can lay a mean maniple slap right across his mug.

 
6.  Even if the boomers in the parish succeed in getting a Plexiglas lectern, you still won’t have to wear pants!

 
5.  As a “point of Confession,” show them Episcopalians there are reasons, other than homosexuality, to wear lace!

 
4.  You’ve just had a thing for cinctures ever since seeing Friar Tuck in The Adventures of Robin Hood.

 
3.  The Chi Ro and IHC on the back of them pretty chasubles give you another chance to show off your Greek.

 
2.  I’ve seen the Jokers, Riddlers, Mr. Freezes and Egg Heads in your parish; you need a Cape, or at least a Cope!

 AND DRUM ROLL ....
 
 

1, Two Words:  “Pointy Hats”

Monday, January 14, 2013

I AM A MAN OF UNCLEAN LIPS (Hands & Brain too)

   And I wasn’t even IN Cedar Rapids, Iowa.

   From the moment of my ordination I have attempted to practice a Eucharistic piety modeled on the Reformer’s, Dr. Chemnitz’s, and Father Fenton’s (before he swam the Bosphorus infused Thames of pre 1054).

   My actual body language, gestures, motions, genuflections, elevations, tempo and speed have all demonstrated to any parishioner present that I believe what we say that WE believe, teach, and confess.  Since I believe Christ’s words in Mathew 26.26. I have always acted like it (to my own vocational hurt—but that’s for another time).

   So the sin lies not in the heart but in the brain.  That is not to say there was no sin, just that I want to justify myself because the shame still lingers.

Uzzah too may have blundered with more instinctive ignorance than shiftless indifference, but he was nonetheless fried like a KFC drumstick.

   Our church like many rural parishes which had hitherto eschewed modernism’s “softness” had finally installed air-conditioning. This was good because the heat wave was intense though brief.  But because the “powers that were” had as much of the proverbial Scot as the predictable Deutsch encircling their hearts, use of said A/C was more for the big events (funerals, weddings, VBS) than for Sunday’s Divine Service.  Oh, the “air” was on but the vents were not designed for chancel benefit.

   “Here use this big floor fan, Pastor” they had said the year before. I was thankful for small favors, and I did.  The fan was wonderful and effective. You remember those big square fans that can be put into a window-frame or set on the floor of your upstairs apartment?   They were a tad noisy but did move some air.  As I refused to un-vest, or minimum-vest, or just wear a purple Izod polo and Dockers like some of the other pastors in the district, even with some air moving around the chancel, it was uncomfortably warm.  I sweat like the fat boy in 7th grade gym class (just fact, so no PC whining comments) so I decided to angle the fan a bit more directly onto me where I would be standing at the lectern for the pericopes.  While it worked perfectly in giving me some breeze, I neglected to “file it away in my brain” that it had been a page 5 “unding.”   You can see where this is going, so I’ll wrap it up quickly.

   The following week at the voters assembly-permitted (Burgomeister approved) Mass, (twice a month like Glashutte—precision clockwork) all went well until the “first table” of communicants approached the rail.  I turned in my memorized & ingrained “Dean Reuning-taught” way towards the people only to have the fan—WHERE THE HECK DID THAT WIND GUST COME FROM—catch my paten like a slap in the face from Satan.  About 20 consecrated Hosts flew up and off the paten onto the sanctuary floor right in front of the Epistle horn of the altar.  It was almost like "slow-motion" in a bad Michael Bay movie, or when the young boy on his first date clips his glass of Coke at the restaurant with his his teen-age elbow only to helplessly watch it fall dreamlike to the floor: "Noooooo..."   This is no hyperbole, I was mortified…at myself.  I didn’t want to die by Elias-invoked fire from on high, but I thought I was the biggest, clumsiest, and dimmest ass that had EVER officiated at Mass. I of course remembered the famous story of what Blessed St. Martin of Wittenberg did when some of the Blood of Our Lord spilled onto the floor (I can only pity the pastor who, like me, would try his best to duplicate THAT when so many sanctuaries are covered in nasty carpets)

   I quickly bent down and as reverently as one CAN, picked up the Body of our Lord and placed all the Hosts back on the paten.  I then gently slid them all back into an opened extra purificator on the altar and covered them.  I resumed the Sacrament by re-consecrating additional Hosts for the requisite number of parishioners and finished the Mass.  But on that Sunday, before exiting the chancel to greet the people, I bowed at the altar and carried the purificator ensconced Hosts directly into the adjoining sacristy where I reverently consumed them (all the while cursing myself for stupidity and lackadaisical practice, as well as having the foresight of a crypto-Calvinist).  If this same horror would happen now, years later, I would have consumed all of the Hosts right then and there within the "borders of the distribution."

   I thought then, and I do think now, that it was sin!

   And I am so thankful too that I was not on Ark-of-The-Covenant duty that fateful day in 2 Samuel 6.  I am overjoyed that Our Lord knows how inadequate any of us are to truly laud, honor, and serve Him the way we should.

   I made a resolution that day and I have kept it.  Oh, to be sure, I have resolved to ever more carefully prepare for all exigencies, and I alway err on the side of reverential caution.  But my other resolution has also never been broken.  I will never, ever, again, use an open, flat, semi-beveled, and unsafe (unsafe for an ape like me with the digital dexterity of a Parkinson’s patient with prosthetics) paten to distribute the Body of Christ Jesus.

I have repented to be sure, but even now, years later, well....the very logorrea of this post shows that the memory still burns and chafes.

   Thank you Lord for ciboria.  

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Homily for THE BAPTISM OF OUR LORD - -


“BRANDED IN BLOOD AND WATER”
Saint Matthew 3. 13-17
The Baptism of Our Lord: 13 January Anno Domini 2013
Father Watson SSP
 
In The Name of The Father and of + The Son and of The Holy Ghost

   The Baptism of Jesus by John is a consecratory event!  Had He only been a carpenter’s son His repentance and washing would still have been good and salutary—but it wouldn’t have mattered for any of you.  Had He been a sinner waiting for the coming Messias it would have been right to repent by this action, and like Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, and Bartholomew, WAIT in faith.  But Jesus is the Son of the Most High. Jesus is Immanuel. 

   Some babies like their baths. In infant faith they trust their mothers. But self-willed and self-conscious children don’t want to be cleansed. The “old-Adam” which delights in sinning and being dirty spiritually can be seen in every youth that mutters disparagingly when told to wash its hands or to put on clean clothes.

    Before a patient, dying with inner rot can be operated upon; he must be cleansed with the pre-op disinfectants. Before and during God’s heart transplant into all His elect, the deceased are washed in God’s Blood as they are made alive again. With God it isn’t surgery but Resurrection; not a successful “procedure” but an Adoption into holiness.

   The Christ came to the Jordan not because He needed baptism but because you do. He was washed not because He was soiled and stained with sin, but because you are.  He came to John as the perfect and obedient Israel (no longer merely Jacob).  He came to obey all His Father’s desires—for they were His as well. The same WORD which from before the beginning was one with the Father and Spirit, the same God Who had created the oceans and the rivers was coming to use them, one of them, in a way which would again be for all of His elect.

   John had been chosen by God to be the prophetic voice in the wilderness who would point to and identify the physical, incarnated, arrival of God.  No longer would believers have visions, and hear voices, from only a pre-incarnate theophany, now they would see, hear, touch, and pour water upon, The God/Man! 

   This is no mere Historic reality. The story of Jacob and Esau’s reunion, where they forgave one-another is reality, but it doesn’t save you.  Jesus saves you. Jesus saved  AND saves you.  There is no past-tense with the Savior’s gifts.  There is no done & over status to your own baptisms, because Jesus is ever NOW!  Your font + of Grace has no freshness to expire and no battery life to run down.

   When the Lord spoke the Words of Institution over bread and wine a Godly consecration took place. What had been only bread and wine became His Body given and His Blood shed for the remission of sins.  His consecration never ends but echoes down through the history of His flock whenever His under shepherds speaks His words.  This is the same for His Baptism at the Jordan.  John was an under shepherd for Jesus.  God: Father, Son and Holy Ghost were the actors, the doers, the speakers of the consecratory words of Life and Forgiveness.

   Jesus came to Noah, albeit not as the Rabbi from Nazareth, and placed him and his family into a saving baptism.  Christ buoyed and held them safe in the font—the ark of the Church. They were washed and cleansed from all sin of the world, the flesh and Satan.  Eight came out of that re-birth to be Jesus’ family.  Eight is the number of eternity and is represented to this day on many 8-sided baptismal fonts.  Jesus came to Naaman the Syrian General, albeit through the word of His under shepherd Elisha.  That mighty General had his disfiguring and painful disease washed away by Jesus in the humble, slow-moving waters of the Jordan.  To that same Jordan Jesus would come 600 years later—in the flesh of the God/Man!  Naaman stepped out of the muddy Jordan clean, healed, and carrying faith in his soul. You came up from the Jordan—font cleansed from the stain of Adam’s fall, fresh, clean and clothed with Jesus. You are now, His brother, His sister.

    Christ had Peter throw a line into the sea to hook a fish, and then take from its mouth the stater (the shekel) to pay the tax that was demanded.  [Mt. 17. 26-27]     Christ stepped into sins dark deep mouth, a devil fish’s maw of death.  On the third day even the sealed tomb could not keep its fanged jaw clamped down on the Risen One!  Christ’s triumph is yours: “buried with Him in baptism, wherein also ye are risen with Him through the faith of the operation of God, Who hath raised Him from the dead.” [Col. 2. 12] 

    So too at the Jordan the heavens themselves opened as the Christ waded back to shore and climbed up into the crowd. The real temple curtain parted for all those baptized saints. No longer was Eden’s eternal rest and joy closed by a Seraph with a flaming sword, but now paradise was opened to all Baptized into Jesus.  It was Jesus’ very Body and Person which sanctified—made holy, the waters of that river and of every baptism. The Godhead’s Word does what it says: “This is my beloved Son, in Whom I Am well pleased.”

   This baptized Jesus would continue, as He always had, to keep the Commandments perfectly on your behalf. This baptized Redeemer would go to the Cross to pay for your daily sins of omission and commission. This Jesus would suffer and die without water, in the heat of your sins and rightful damnation.  This Jesus would bleed Blood to cleanse you.  This Jesus as He hanged dead on the tree would have God’s own heart gush out Water and Blood which would fill the very + font at which you were buried and resurrected. The Father’s words are spoken directly into your ears because Jesus is in your ears and you are in Jesus.

   You are no longer babies to be bathed, clothed, fed, and then “put down” for the night.  You are royal priests washed in the Blood of Lamb, clothed in the skin of the Lamb, and now “lifted up” and carried by the dove-like Holy Helper to the Table of the Lamb to eat and drink in paradise.

    The Lord is so pleased with you…He forgives you and loves you.

 

In The Name of The Father and of + The Son and of The Holy Ghost

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Understanding this Bass Ackward Funhouse Mirror(souri)


   So, there I was last night watching SUPERNATURAL on HULU via my PC (a world wherein we use acronyms and abbreviations is very fallen indeed) instead of my usual meditations with Die Bekenntnisschriften…when the character Sam Winchester mutters a Latin incantation (in the wrong tense and not using Ecclesial pronunciation as I desire) to keep a demon from leaving its host body.   N.B.  this was an episode of some 6 weeks past as I have no cable and have fallen behind on my scary favorites.   Dean (Sam’s brother) says: “woa Sammy, HOW did you un-exorcise that demon?”  To which Sam replies: “I just spoke the Latin exorcism backwards.”

   So that’s how it works.  For I have been wondering now for many years HOW the LORD’s Verba, the very creative, elemental, ontologically consecratory word of “IS” can become null and void.  Now, I get it…the very learned and ‘language-gifted’ pastor loci simply speaks the Words of Institution backwards (has to be sotto voce, ‘cause I’ve never heard it) as the last table of crypto-Calvinists shambles un-piously back towards the pews.  That’s it then…the Blood of The God/Man Immanuel—the remainder still found in the bottom of the plastic shot-glasses is changed back into Mogen-David rot-gut.  Case Closed.

   This is a relief to my own scarred conscious, since I have never been able to get over what happened at an Installation I participated in several years back.  There in the vestry, as all of the participating brethren were putting on their cassocks, surplices, albs, jump-suits, track-suits, parachute pants, stoles, Kente scarves (to see Dr. Scaer’s maxim “Guys! This is the Missouri Synod…do whatever you want to!” live and in color, attend any installation or ordination) we all noticed the chuckling coming from one of the higher-up District payroll types in our midst.  My eyes instantly were drawn to the reddish (although to be fair, not noticeable really at a distance; kind of like George Costanza’s angora sweater flaw) stain right on the front of his alb.

   But what he said still burns my own piety (deficient as it can be at times).  This “constitutional” overseer who should actually be a prince of theologians amongst his juniors said:  “well, ha, ha, I guess I forgot to get this wine stain out after I spilled some on the alb during that last distribution.”

    Sure, we knew that RECEPTIONISM lives, grows and thrives amongst our un-catechized flocks.  But it still staggers one (of my sensitive nature anyway) to hear a pastor, a scholar, a seelsorger, so blithely and dismissively cancel out the Word of God.

   I immediately went back to my Nestle-Aland after the installation service to check where in Matthew, Mark, Luke, and Corinthians were the words wherein God explained how What IS His Body and Blood ceases to be so.  I need a bigger Bible.

    But, with the charismatic gifts laid upon my head last night in front of the glowing monitor, I have the truth that my floppy Bible did not manage to capture.  This jovial, loveable, and caring man of God, must have, indeed HAD TO HAVE, simply spoken the Words of Institution backwards (in his own head) every time the Chalice left a Grandma Schmidt’s mouth or the stacked trays of jiggers departed from parishioner “A” to parishioner “B.”

    That’s quick thinking on his part and even quicker backwards talkin.’  And I hear they can even talk out of BOTH sides of their mouth at one time.

     Thanks to Sam Winchester and SUPERNATURAL I now understand how something truly Divine can become something… ‘missourian.’

Friday, January 11, 2013

AS FAR AS EAST IS FROM WEST

   The following dialogue took place in a luxurious and beautifully ornate tent pitched somewhere in the mid-western Arabian desert approximately 100 miles north-northwest of Medina.  This is my transcript of the interview between the man Sheerkohf, (the "Lion of the Mountain") a Kurdistani warlord and great proselytizer by force, and a Christian by the name of Mr. Lutrosis.

Sheerkohf:  Welcome Mr. Lutrosis. Come in and be seated. And tell me just why you have made such  a long and arduous journey...to...evangelize me?  Do you too labor under that great incapacity of ignorance which I find in Americans as to our customs and faith?

Lutrosis:     The fact that I was  born in America means nothing. God's will not geography is why I am here.  I represent One Who lived His whole life in Palestine, an area your are intimately familiar with.  I've made but a humble beginning, a first step, to learn more
about your culture and your belief.

S:  Many of your so-called "leaders" and spokesmen over the years have not done so!  Many of you Europeans have visited great cruelties and violence upon my people.  We are not stereotypes we are men, women and children.

L:  Yes you are correct.  The tragedies of the past are both true and lamentable.  I did not come here to refight the Crusades.

S:  That is most prudent of you for your side lost so miserably.  Do not our victories suggest Allah's  most providential hand?  But now, you do come to "war" for my eternal soul with paternalism and condecension?  But, I do acknowledge your personal courage for coming into an armed camp.  For this bravery I consent to this audience.  In the past, your kind considered only the sword as the tool of contact.  I see however that you bring only your "book" and your talisman necklace.

L:  As your proverb states: "In the desert no man meets a friend," yet I would invite you to judge me and my message with your own good sense and legendary wisdom.  Treat me also as a man, an individual, and not as a stereotype.

S:  Speak quickly then as I am heavily detained by other matters and can give you but a few moments of my time.  You who follow the dead Nazarene, will now speak to this humble servant of the Prophet.  But I fear you are wasting the time of both of us.  Are YOU willing to have the openess of mind to be converted to Islam?  Do you accord me this same reciprocity?

L:  The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom,  The truth of God fears no confrontation with falsehood or error.  I can tell that you are a confident man and certainly do not fear a brief riposte with a man who respects your beliefs and integrity?

S:  You are not a typical westerner, Nazarene.

L:  I am a Christian.  I would ask you to attempt to distinguish between a westerner and a follower of Christ.

S:   And I am a "person of the Book" - - I too am a descendant of Abraham and Isaac.

L:   Yes, this I recognize.  We share a common spiritual ancestry of names and claimed "fathers," as well as a respect for actual historical antecedents.

S:  Separated brethren, then?? (laughing)

L:  Yes, you are my brother in nature, and I am interested in your eternal welfare, yes!  I am also interested in what you believe and the reasons why.

S:   You are gentle in your speech.  You do not seek to defeat me in verbal battle by employing syllogism and prooftext in the same manner as your spiritual ancestor Richard Coer d'Lion employed steel and fire.

L:  Friend, Richard I is but an interesting Norman and historical anomaly.  He is not my liege.  I represent only my true King, the Lord Christ Jesus Who is the true King of Kings.  He loves you too.

S:  There is no God but Allah and Muhammad is his Prophet.  And yes, you do speak with a tongue that has hope and joy. You would do well to allow your tongue to bow to the wisdom of the head.

L:  You believe Allah is all-powerful and all-knowing, therefore -

S:  (interrupting) And all-merciful and all-compasionate!

L:  And what must YOU DO my friend to be certain that Allah will be merciful to you. How are you certain of his forgiveness?

S:  "Those that accept the true faith and do good works shall be forgiven and richly rewarded" Surah 35.7.  Does not the first Bishop of Jerusalem, your own James, brother of the Nazarene say likewise?

L:  Yes. And yes I will be rewarded eternal life because God love me. I am His child and I do good works.  But I don't do these deeds to win or secure His love.  His love comes first and is generative, much like your own love your children existed long before they were old enough to please you with their obedience or honor.

S:  I too will enter paradise, for I am faithful to the will of Allah and faithful to His commandments as well.

L:  You have no uncertainty as to how many works Allah requires?  How do you know if you've done enough?

S:  Allah is fair and just.  He does not act arbitrarily.  He delivered this Law to Moses, of whom your prophet Jesus spoke of.  The Qur'an accepts this holy law.  Does not your own understanding of the law say that to be saved one must obey the Lord with all the heart, soul, mind and strength; and to love the neighbor as the self?

L:  Yes, that is what the Law commands.  Do you keep such perfectly holy rules as perfectly as God demands...as perfectly as an all-perfect God must demand?

S:  I am but a humble servant of Allah.  I do my best to do all that is within me, trusting Allah to be merciful to me.

L:  But is it "just" for a Holy perfect God to allow a sinful and imperfect creature (regardless of his intentions) to sully and stain a pure and perfect paradise?  Will your Allah be the kind of magistrate that says: "You stole, lied, and cheated...but you tried not to; you hated, lusted, and coveted...but you tried not to; All is well--enter paradise?"

S:  Are you suggesting to me Nazarene, that one NOT "try" to do the will of Allah?

L:  No.  I am suggesting that one, such as your or I, cannot do the perfect will of God.  But Jesus the Anointed One, God Himself in the flesh, could do so, and in fact did.  Jesus kept the will and the Law of God perfectly for you and me and for all of mankind.

S:  Impassioned friend, the prophet Jesus, great and wise as he was, was but a man.  Do not presume to make him, unique as he was, a blasphemer.  To claim for him divinity is the mortal error of you tri-theists!

L:  We now have arrived, as we both knew we would, to that which divides Islam from Christianity. I believe Jesus is True God, and the He loves you Sheerkohf...so much so that He died for you. This God/Man Jesus rose from the dead for you and lives for you!

S:  You speak blasphemy, and you distort the words of a great and good teacher.

L:  Jesus said: "Before Abraham was (born) I AM," and "I and the Father are one."

S:  Your "book" is a false, distorted, and incomplete revelation of Allah.  The Qur'an declares Jesus to be only that which he was: a gifted and blessed prophet!

L:  You believe that Sheerkohf because that is what the Qur'an says; so you can see the legitimacy of my believing the testimony of eye-witness, Saint Matthew of Capernaum, or Saint John, or --

S:   (interrupting) I, WE, believe in Allah and what is revealed to us in the book of his FINAL prophet Muhammad...the self-same prophet that Jesus himself promised would come...as recorded in your "Saint's" own writings [John 14.16]

L:  I am impressed with your knowledge of Scripture. You are well grounded in your beliefs. Despite our profound differences my Lord Jesus constrains me to love you, and I do. But more importantly Jesus loves you.  We have reached an impasse and I will take my leave from your busy schedule.  Attempts at mere point-counterpoint refutations might cause you to infer an arrogance or paternalism on my part wich I would not desire to imply. 

S:  (smiling broadly) As you said earlier dear friend, Allah's truth fears no confrontation; but, as you so desire, it shall be.  Be not a stranger from my encampment.  My faith is a living, breathing, growing fire; it is not going to go away.  But, you, Mr. Lutrosis, come again to visit your humble servant, for you are a man of honor and civility.  Infidel though you may be, you DO have an intangible joy within your breast which is refreshing...and strangely, troubling.

L:  Goodbye Sheerkohf, The Lord be with you.

S;  Goodbye Nazarne. There is no god but Allah and Muhammad is his prophet.


The above imaginary dialogue between Sheerkohf (one of Sir Walter Scott's protagonists in THE TALISMAN), and Christian traveler Mr. Lutrosis is from the fevered mind of Jay Watson.

                                               

Thursday, January 10, 2013

A Hymn for The Baptism of Our Lord



THEN COMETH CHRIST

 
Meter:  8, 8, 8, 6… 6… 4
Words: Jay W. Watson, 2013
Tune: TLH # 208 Gelobt sei Gott, Melchior Vulpius, 1609

 
Then cometh Christ from Galilee
To Jordan’s waters running free
That He’d be washed for all to see
His bath for ours
His bath for ours
His bath for ours

 
And his dear kinsman John did plea
I have need to be washed of Thee
The Lord insisted Writ agree
His cross for ours
His cross for ours
His cross for ours

 
Jesus then stepped from flowing sea
                                   My Father is well pleased in Me
 Godhead anointing David’s Key
His blood for ours
His blood for ours
His blood for ours

 
Pressed on from desert to the tree
The sacrifice for you and me
The Lamb of God eternally
His tomb for ours
His tomb for ours
His tomb for ours


At blessed font on bended knee
Feasting with Holy Trinity
Father, Son, Spirit, One in Three
His life is ours
His life is ours
His life is ours

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

PETROS (a Haiku)

PETROS

brash fearless fisher
broken coward forgiven
bleeding rock for sheep